My mom passed away on July 15, 2019.
She suffered a stroke on July 7th, while we were taking her out to dinner. On the way to the restaurant she was in great spirits – remarking how ‘glorious’ the flowers were. She had no problem getting into the car. We got to the restaurant (right around the corner) – and she could not get out of the car. I kept telling her how to move her legs – trying to get her to get out of the car and into her wheelchair. Eventually we got her into the restaurant and things went from bad to worse. She was totally slumped over – and could not talk or move. It became very obvious that something was terribly wrong. She had suffered a stroke. I called hospice and we got her out of the restaurant . But first – because we were in major denial – I had to order her a salmon dinner. We had the restaurant pack up our meals and waited for hospice. Danielle came within 10 minutes. We could not get Mom back into the car. She could not move on her own. We called 911 – immediately the ambulance and fire trucks came. They were going to take her to the hospital. We told them absolutely not…they made a call – and said that they would help us get mom back to the Carillon. Hospice kicked in right away – ordering a hospital bed – and getting mom situated. I set up 24/7 care for her. Mom still could not talk , and she was exhausted. After about 2 hours I left. Came back the following morning – and it was obvious that this was the ‘big’one that the doctors had told us was coming. Mom was conscious, and kind of knew what was going on – but – it became clear that her 9 lives had run out. She died a week later. I told mom as I held her hand that week – that ‘we got this’… and that she was there for my first breath, and I would be there for her for her last breath. I was able to honor that promise. THere is much more to this story and the week from 7/7/- 7/15….but – I want to talk about Mom…..
My Mother
So brave – moving out of NY after over 80 years – leaving her friends, family to come out here to unknown territory. SCS had asked her to be out for her birthday – and mom made that happen. We were blessed to have her here for 3 plus years.
Mom’s love of fine things in life; art, going to Museums, pinging crystal together, theater, critical thinking, education and life long learning. Reading The New York Times, always sharing thoughts and articles….She inspired and encouraged me to follow my passions and find my way. I am still finding her notes in art books that we loved and shared together. Just today I found her note to me in the Matisse Jazz book that she and I both loved. Mom liked this quote in the book “When I have arranged a bouquet in order to paint it, I go around to the side that I have not looked at.”
She was So proud of getting her Masters from NYU. She worked during the day and went to school at night. She graduated Magna cum laude. And in between she was our mother.
Mom’s sense of style, and grace. I remember watching her get dressed to go out with my dad – and being in awe of her beauty. She wore very little makeup. She was a natural beauty.
My Mom was also one of the smartest people I ever knew. I always found myself calling her to hear her perspective on events – be it my events, national events, or world events.
She knew me better than anyone else. She knew how I was doing just from hearing my voice or even seeing my face.
Mom’s love for us all was pure– and then in the last 31 years – she was so so proud of her grand kids.
Relationships are complicated – and ours was certainly no exception. But in the end it boiled down to one simple fact….. we loved each other, and we knew that.
She is my guardian angel.
She was there for my first breath and I was honored to be there for her last.
We started as one, and now you live on forever; a part of me, in my heart.
Ending with a quote from Walt Whitman :
Keep your face always toward the sunshine, and shadows will fall behind you.
Signs from my Mother and Amazing things that happened to me after Mom died. She knew how much I needed her.
Mom is there with me. My guardian angel.
Waiting for me to come the night she passed away. As soon as she knew I was in the room with her, she passed away moments later.
My breakdown – I really needed someone to talk to – I was all alone – except for Penny , and I scared her with my crying….. Mom sent Margaret to me. The phone rang within 30 mins. It was Margaret.
I saw Mom in the clouds, I felt her presence, and I felt her telling me that she was there for me; Calming me down, looking after me, and telling me that she was my guardian angel. She gave me a peace that I had not felt up to then. I knew she was there, and would always be there with me.
When I was breaking down in the car – worrying about all mom’s stuff – and how I would clear it out…..respectfully and relatively fast, an ad on the radio that I had never heard before and I have not yet heard since, came on for Caring Transitions. I made note – and ran home and spoke with them. They sounded great. Mom orchestrated that for me.
The delays, cancellation , etc at LGA for our return flight due to the major thunderstorm. Mom guided me through it. Got me to get on that agent line, and make new travel plans. The timing was perfect.
Also – when I got on the line to talk to an agent, there were 3 separate people in front of me. All of a sudden each one of them just walked away leaving me at the head of the line. I was able to work with Joshua – he worked out all the new travel plans for each of us….even as they were canceling the flight, and he was announcing that everyone should get on a different line with Delta’s customer service department…Joshua told me to hang tight – he continued to devote his time to me to get us all taken care of. Mom made that happen for us.
Pat told me about an experience she had also….. She got a beautiful oriental rug from mom. Pat placed it by the side of her bed. Mom always had strong opinions about where art should be placed. I guess she did not like where Pat placed it, because it seems like every day it ‘moved’ to the middle of the floor. Pat finally changed the spot – and it’s been quiet ever since.